Sunday, April 21, 2013

On Loan

One of the many lessons from grief is that every one and every thing we have in this life is ON LOAN...that may sound harsh, but for me, it's an understood and accepted fact.  Our loved ones, our cherished photographs, our homes, our material items, our clothes, all of it, ON LOAN for the time we have with them, however amount of time that is destined to be...all of it, simply, ON LOAN.

At Allison's memorial service and celebration of life, a dear man, Mr. Dickson, stood at the pulpit and read for us the poem, GOD'S LOAN, a poem written by Edgar A. Guest about the "loan" of a child.  Mr. Dickson knew full well the meaning of every word, as his own Jasmine had entered the gates of heaven at ten years old. I had never run across the poem until it was time to find just the right words and tributes to express our lives with Allison.  I could have never truly understood the words had Allison not left us all too soon.  But, once Joe and I read it, we knew it said everything we felt and needed to say.

"I'll lend you for a little time, a child of mine, " God said....it went on to say about the child...He'll/She'll bring his/her charms to gladden you, and shall his/her stay be brief, You'll have his/her lovely memories, as solace for your grief.

I have read the poem more times than I can count in these six years since she's been gone, and every time since, when another "child" leaves his/her mother, father, sister, brother, family, friends.  Whether it's the baby who was here for less than 24 hours to bring faith and hope to her parents, whether it's the son who was killed on the motorcycle, the daughter or son who felt this side of heaven was too much and took matters into her/his own hands, the soldier killed in war, or the son whose short life was taken by cancer.  Every day, whether we know them personally or not, we learn of another "child" who leaves grieving people behind. And each time, for me, I hear the words of this poem ring more true and more real.

I cannot promise he/she will stay, since all from earth return,
But shall the angels call him/her, much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And surely understand.

This brings me back to our children, our possessions, everything we know in this world being ON LOAN to us.  This has never rang more true than in recent times.  Losing our loved ones in circumstances none of us ever grew up in... Our homes to storms and to financial ruin... Our material items, the "things" we once thought were necessary that we now know we can live without.  Our images, the ones we put on for the world we entered each day and night.  Our youth...our health...our clothing, jewelry, furnishings, livelihoods, everything that surrounds us, all ON LOAN. For in one tiny little instant, life as we knew it can be gone, wiped away, destroyed, and vanished. As we know, ashes to ashes, dust to dust...everything on earth this side of heaven.

For me, the lesson comes in understanding the loans of life.  Recent events in Boston have driven home the point even deeper and more soulfully.  The tragedy.  The pain.  The unbelievable losses of limbs and lives.  Yet, the resilience.  The coming together of mankind and a nation to forget differences and to unite as one.  Tragedy and loss can do this, and in my family, I am so proud to say, through the time God loaned us Allison, we have been able to comprehend the meaning of being ON LOAN, we have understood the definition of words like embrace, savor, persevere, love, live, hope and try.  We truly know the meaning of one day at a time. We have our challenges, grief still brings us to our knees, my heart cries daily, and then more deeply when I hear of one more loss, one more child, one sweet boy who went to watch his father at the Boston Marathon, a young policeman who was basically executed in his patrol car, a beautiful young lady whose grandmother shared the thoughts that no grandmother or mother should bury the young, and the student at a local university who came to the city of Boston for all it has to offer.  For those of us who call Boston "home", this is yet another reminder that the gifts and blessings ON LOAN from above are to be cherished and adored.  The view of the city as I get off the plane and on the boat, I stand there each time and get chills.  The bay, the ocean, the history, the people, all ON LOAN for as long as the terms stay standing.  One day, as the poem says, all of us from earth will return.  In the meantime, from sea to shining sea, whether we leave our hometown or homes or not, the blessings remain and we can find them, we just have to keep looking.