Intuition is that gift that so many of us have, we don't need to be told, or we don't need proof, we don't need to read what to do or say, we just know. As I have mentioned before, it is when I DON'T follow my intuition that I always end up in trouble or making the wrong decision. Sometimes, when I don't follow it, I would never have known what would have happened had I chosen to forge ahead and follow the spirit that leads. I guess that is my lesson for myself, don't hold back, don't hesitate, don't second guess myself when the spirit is strongly leading me in a direction that I must take.
This lesson came back to me again yesterday as I dug out a very old zucchini bread recipe from my early days of marriage file...recipes that have not been made in a very LONG time. I had to find it because the vegetables are multiplying from our organic farm co-op! I made this whole bundt cake/bread and it smelled delightful, but I knew we could never eat the whole thing, especially since I travel to Boston today. As it cooled and I sliced it and placed each slice in its own bag, I knew I needed to take some to Richard...don't ask me how I knew, I don't even know Richard, but I know OF him. He lives a few doors down and has suffered great loss in the last years, two children, and recently, his beloved wife, Shirley. They are the neighbors that you wave to but don't know much about, a simple nod or wave has always seemed sufficient, after all, we don't want to intrude on others' lives sometimes. I didn't know of the loss of a first child, but I did know of the daughter in 2008 who passed away from cancer on the heels of our own daughter. I tried to go over and extend condolences, but couldn't, and time got by. Last Christmas I bought them an angel for the tree, knowing it was the first Christmas without her, and walked over with it, only to turn around three times...always an excuse, cars in the driveway, shades pulled, whatever. So, the angel sits, beautifully wrapped, never given to the recipient. Now I cannot extend that gesture because Shirley, Allie's mother, is gone. But Richard is here. And we were introduced recently at a neighborhood gathering. The sadness in his eyes would overwhelm you, but one could tell that he was trying, and of course, no one said a word about his grief. We all looked "normal", enjoying an impromptu gathering and getting to know one another better, yet, there we were, all struggling with some form of loss that has occured in just the few short years we have all lived on this corner of the world.
Well, the bread should be delivered and I added one of the greatest books I read daily on healing through loss, wrote the card, and went on my way. I started out in the morning and found an excuse not to go over, then again around noon. I thought we may end up saving this gift and eating the bread! But the spirit moved me and spurred me to go over, be brave, ring the doorbell, and I did. And Richard came to the door. And I reminded him who I was and where I lived and that we had never appropriately extended our condolences and the tears sprang. At that very moment he was doing one of the most difficult things he had ever done, he said, he was sorting through his beloved wife's clothes, not sure what to do. He marvelled at the gesture of the bread, the gift, the timing. He needed support, this man who has buried two of three children and a wife, and there it was, and he will read the book, stating that he needs something, that it has been three months, and he is clearly in pain. But for one moment, in what I always call God's perfect timing, he had hope, that he was not alone. This isn't about me being a wondrous person, this is about hearing and heeding the signs that come from above, to not miss an opportunity when it stands right before me. I missed the chance to meet Shirley and give her that angel to signify the passing of her precious daughter, but I learned from it, and I won't miss another, if I can help it.
I walked away and Richard spoke, May God bless you. God has, does, and always will. Thankfully, I followed my intuition and His perfect timing.
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