A Day of Birth

This is the day the Lord has made, yes, we must rejoice and be glad in it, for NOT doing so would be to dismiss all the grace and glory He sends, all the gifts, all the beauty, all the joy that would be shunned if we don't celebrate the day at hand. And this day at hand, well, a special one, indeed. Allison's day of birth. Born on a beautiful spring morning, she made her entrance with a smile, not a cry. Over ten pounds and loving life, she came home and slept through the night! She was loved and caressed by a big sister, who immediately became protective, and she made our life light up like every color of the rainbow. We knew it long before she would face a dreaded illness and physical death, we all always spoke of how special she was and what an "old" soul she could be...yes, there was something unique about this girl. Jen would often tease that she was the favorite, but she did so with a smile, knowing both of them were a favorite, each for different reasons. I will always have two daughters, one living life with us in the physical sense, bringing her own sense of spirit, and one who does live on in spirit and in our hearts.

God is truly good this day. I have prayed for some time, as the anxiousness and emotion of another anniversary of sorts, approached, that I could somehow find the snippets of happiness of earlier birthdays, that I would not dwell on the fact that Allison is gone, that a raging cancer took her from us, that I do not get to hear the sweetness of her voice this day. I have prayed, rather, that those thoughts and feelings be replaced with moments that can warm my heart and fill my soul. And God has heard me, almost replaying snapshots of past birthdays, so much so that I can almost hear her laughter, feel the love of the parties, share the gifts with others. I can smile at thoughts of her first birthday, the tweety bird cake, and her face covered with the goodness and mess! I can fast forward to a fifth birthday when an Easter Egg hunt was planned and the most snow we had seen fell through the night, forcing an inside activity for many little friends! I can recall her eyes and expressions over teenage gifts and savor the stories of the infamous 21st birthday, where her sister and she had the time of their lives, celebrating for days with, again, a big sister taking care and spoiling the younger one. Stories are still being told of that Chicago venture! In my grief and pain and emotion, I am finding that I can recall some of the joy, bask in some memories, and hold hope in my heart. I am grateful. I am also overwhelmed. My heart overflows with the sadness, mixed with the joy, blended with the blessings and goodness, the memories and the wonderment of where we are this day on the journey of life.

I will close and share a poem sent to me by my dear friend of many, many years, we call her Rutledge, and she has been, along with so many of my friends and family, a support that holds me up and together when the loss is too much to comprehend or bear. Apparently, she wrote this the other night, in the wee hours it came to her, and it warms my heart as we celebrate life and a day of birth. As she said herself, Allison inspires us all, and that is a gift that has come from the brokenness. Thank you Allison for your life and love, for the memories and for the inspiration to live strong and solid. As we find our way to celebrate and honor you and enjoy dinner at a favorite restaurant tonight, we all know in our hearts that you are there, never the same, never to occupy the chair, but always to guide and support.

24 candles on a cake
24 candles, a birthday it makes.
Daughter, sister, niece and friend
Birthday wishes to heaven we send.
Alive in spirit, rides in with the wind.
Alive in spirit, the signs that you send.
We see you in the flowers, we see you in the rain.
We see you in our everything, and then again.
24 candles on a cake
24 candles, a birthday it makes.
by Deb Rivera Rutledge