Every Day is Mother's Day

As the emotion builds and churns over yet another holiday, the one where the universe (or so it seems) honors and celebrates mothers, I cannot help but rely on the comfort in knowing every day is Mother's Day. Perhaps that is my coping mechanism to alleviate the pain of loss, to "convince" myself that it's just another day...and really, it is. Yet, it isn't. It isn't because of all the hype in cards and gifts and dining out and family time that is set aside for this day. It's true, you don't get the cards, flowers, gifts, picture frames, lotions, perfumes most every other day of the year. Most every other day of the year, we do what mothers do best, we live for our children, we work so that they may have those things that we once thought were important and we cook so they will have a good, healthy meal and we know that we would do anything for that child, lay down our life if we could. We carry that child from conception under our heart and we feel the beating of theirs, sometimes in tune with our own, sometimes not. And if we don't carry them under our heart, we take them in, foster and adopt them and love them as our own. Mothering is a 24/7 type of job mixed with love, pain, joy, worry, celebrations.

I thought about that as our now family of three relaxed a bit last evening, each on a different, comfy chair in our home, gazing at a new painting just shipped from Napa (a whole other story!), sipping a bit of red wine, talking about experiences of the week, weaving Allison into the memories, taking pride in our oldest daughter who has grown into her own, wondrous person. We are making a life, we are making our way. That moment couldn't have been planned and was another reminder of how beautiful it is to be a proud mother to the daughter who is present and among us, and to the one who resides with the Father in eternal bliss. There is no worry, no pain, no grief for her, but the celebrations continue and the love and joy must be glorious.

Naturally, those are the thoughts that take me through the ebb and flow of this journey. And as much as I know with the conviction of my heart that Allison is free to be, a beautiful spirit who will live within my being forever, it is the physical presence that I miss the most. Just as I do the physical presence of my own mother this day, this weekend. But what I know now is that the love in my heart will never cease, and that is where they both reside, now and forever, until it is our time to reunite under God's good grace.

The emotions do run high, I cannot help myself. It's almost as if you don't know just what you had until you do not. I would like to think that I didn't take those times for granted, but human nature tells me that I did. But one thing I do know, God is hearing me and my prayers, and is providing me snippets of memories of days gone by, connections through indelible memories that are overshadowing the loss. The memories of Mother's Days gone by that bring a smile to my heart, a song to my soul, and a moment of comfort. I am grateful that while I am crying out inside, I can now begin to see the little glimpses of hope, mixed in with the sadness and loss, reminding me to seize the day, make this about someone else, be productive, be creative, get up, plant a flower, bake those cupcakes for the newly grieving mother, step away from the grief, and remember that every day is Mother's Day. I must move forward, knowing that God is all-powerful and everywhere present.