Her Hair

No doubt I have written about this before, but again, this morning, thoughts of her hair. For BOTH my daughters, hair and hair design defined them. Jennifer is an amazing stylist and color specialist, fulfilling a dream of hers that was almost squashed by you know who...ME. What? A hair designer, what about insurance, what about a good living, what about standing on your feet your whole life...didn't you do that mom, didn't you love what you did? A resounding YES, so here she is, and lovin' life! And there she was, styling and fixing and coloring her sister's hair and anyone who came to our makeshift salon in the basement! It is the courage of BOTH sisters that came to mind this morning, the bravery of one, loving older sister, cutting and shaving the head of her cancer ridden sister, the warrior who took it in her own hands to shave her head at the onset of some shedding due to chemotherapy. When it became apparent that she would lose that hair, there she was, attacking it as she did everything else, with a vigor and the spirit of a take-charge young woman who wanted to face whatever must be faced.

What most likely prompted my thoughts was a segment on the Today show of a woman battling cancer who did virtually the same thing...she even hosted a hair shaving party, and she was surrounded by love when it happened. Tears, sadness, pain, yes, but love. That sent tears streaming down my face, wondering if the "average" person really knows what goes into the shaving of one's head in cancer treatment. Did we know then what a defining moment it would be, did we know then that we would find strength for months and years to come from that one simple, yet complex, moment? Did we know then that we would find that we could do virtually anything in this life with Allison as our example, with Jennifer as our example, standing stoically behind her sister, very lovingly and gingerly taking the last of the hair off of a beautiful and bold head? Did we know that not much compares to watching two young women in what would become one of life's final moments of love and grace, dignity and determination? Did we know that the tears Allison went to shed in private would ring in our ears for eternity, but that they would be soon overshadowed by a desire to live strong and filled with hope? Did we know what a bald head signifies?

When I see the bald heads on men and women, now, I want to salute, take their hand, congratulate them, something!! I want to say much, but the words most often get caught in my throat. EVERY single time I see someone in "battle" I am brought to a place where it became my own daughter's to own, the shaving of the head, she took control, she didn't let it define her, she radiated and found her peace through the pain.

That is my lesson this day, to find my peace through the pain. That is my lesson every day. She taught me more than I even know and is still with me in all ways, always. I can put one foot in front of the other because she taught me how. It is sad, it is painful, I know nothing else like this, but her legacy lives, and that is how I do, her father does, her sister does. We have been blessed by an angel.

Yes, her hair once defined her. Every picture is a new design and a new color. Then there was none. And that only enhanced her beauty and her soul. What she found was she didn't need hair at all. Beauty comes from within.