Fathers

This weekend, we honor fathers everywhere. It surely conjures up many thoughts for all of us, whether our father is present and among us or not. Whether we had good relationships or not. Whether our father was even in our lives growing up, or not. I know so many who have had complex relationships with their fathers, some, not nearly as complicated as the ones they had with their mothers. I would consider myself fortunate and blessed to have had good parenting and solid relationships with both of my parents, however, not without complications. After all, nothing and no one is perfect. I used to think, though, that my father WAS perfect, if not a bit eccentric at times and certainly a bit chauvinistic (he was rather appalled that I was determined to be a working woman, especially when the babies came). I find it interesting, now, in hindsight that he worked to improve his parenting skills from some of the ways he was brought up, and each generation takes what they learned and makes it better. That is what the hope is, anyway. I always admire those who had the roughest of upbringings, and yet, can manage to love and parent their own. Not that my father's upbringing was difficult, he never complained, but what he didn't have, he worked diligently to provide the three of us. So, I think of dads all around, the ones in my family, my father-in-law who thankfully is still with us at a spry age of 82 (I think!), my own dad who I miss very much, achingly so sometimes, and of course the father of my children.

I suppose it is Joe I am most focused on now. He lives each day with dignity and strength, purpose and routine, and if there is a role model in this loss of a child, he could certainly be considered one. There are times I believe the mother of a deceased child is the one people most cling to, feel for, or reach out to help. The father is sometimes the unsung hero...that may well be the case in our family. Joe does not deviate in his mission to live strong for Allison's memory, and he has not missed a beat in being a father to Jennifer. He has not changed in his parenting, although it would be easy for him to do so, to become overprotective, to cling to his one and only surviving child. But he parents as he always has...with consistency, a demeanor that blends seriousness with humor, and a loving heart that shows he will always be the strength of this family.

No father is perfect, but in the eyes of little and big girls, they are:) And to Jennifer and Allison, Joe was no exception! I could not criticize for a minute anything about him, even when I was just teasing. The same could be said when my own mother tried to say something about MY dad! And little and grown girls adore the man they call dad and hope to find someone like him, especially when you have a father like Joe, or like the one I had. In many ways I did find a man like my dad, not that I was purposely looking, it just sort of happened! But in the eyes of my girls, Joe was always the stability in their lives, the one who held the highest of standards, the one they didn't want to disappoint. And they never did, never could, even when Jennifer pierced her tongue, went through some challenging teenage years, and Allison attended a party that she should never have attended. With the good and the bad, Joe remained consistent and firm, loving and kind. And later, the rewards would come, when they grew into adulthood and wanted to spend time with him. Those years of reading books, coaching, fishing, spending time with them paid off. And even with our precious Allison gone from our grasp, we know she worshipped and adored her Dad, and as for Jennifer, the true sign of love is how she has him to look up to, through the good times and bad!

I recall when we first spoke of the fact that Allison could leave us and I asked Joe what would we do if that happened. I will never forget his response, we will do what we have always done, we will respond the way we need to and we will live for our other daughter and to make Allison proud of us. He has never faltered, deviated from his plan. He is the greatest example of a man, husband and father. And while one daughter is present and among us, and the other resting in eternal life, he remains, and always will, the father of two girls who adore and cherish him. And I can honestly say there is no one I would have rather travelled this road with, not by choice, but by destiny and love.