My Chemo Angel

This day, I have on my heart and mind someone I have never met. I have a powerful sense toward her today and I have come to know that those feelings and images mean something. I do not know what. Only God knows. But He sends the holy spirit through me to reach out and send a note of light or hope or just a prayer. Thanks to Allison, and my sister, I have made a strong connection with Mary Lou. My sister was signed up to be a "chemo angel" through a program she heard about, agreeing to sending cards, messages, small tokens or gifts if appropriate, but again, mostly to pray for this person. The chemo angel network takes your profile and matches you with a person of interest. A few months after Allison passed from her intense cancer, Karen asked me if I might be interested. I was, but I was very specific, I couldn't face a young person, rather, I would like to find someone of my age. And find her, I did. I was "connected" with a woman who I felt could be my own sister. Our similarities were many and our walk of faith so similiar. We both knew that God has a plan for all of us, and that He performs His own miracles, and that trusting in Him would be the most important part of the journey. Mary Lou faced her own cancer battle and it has intensified during the time I have been in contact with her, yet, she has seen the loving work of her creator at work, and she is still on this earth to create and inspire, and spend time with her children and husband.

Our story has been interesting. I never wanted to tell her just why I became a chemo angel, so instead, just sent cards and whatever I was compelled to send, at least at first. For the first few months, I would just share scriptures or words of hope and light and to hopefully brighten her day just a bit, as she was undergoing her treatments. Then, at some point, as we became somewhat kindred spirits, I felt it was time to share a bit of our story. I mailed her the first Christmas letter I had ever written, the one in 2007 where I shared a bit of the journey our family had travelled through Allison's cancer diagnosis and 11 week battle. I shared what felt right from the heart and only hesitated a moment before sending Mary Lou one. I really didn't know if I wanted to tell her about this, but yet, I knew there was a purpose to sending it. I had no idea just how the spirit directed me that day.

On January 9 of 2008, the year anniversary of Allison's passing, I received a long letter from Mary Lou. I will never forget the exact moment I opened that letter. Signs were in abundance that day, the amazing pink sunset from east coast to west, friends calling in or e-mailing me pictures of it from all points of the country, and the letter "A" blazing in the pink sky. It was almost too much to comprehend. Then came the letter. I opened it and cried my eyes out, tears that needed to be shed could finally come at that moment. Mary Lou not only embraced me through that letter, but shared just how my Christmas letter had impacted her. She felt I was speaking directly to her and a family situation. She read the part about Allison, of course, but also of my need to retire from being a principal to take care of myself and my family. She immediately understood why we had such a connection. She and her own sister, who was named Kathy, were estranged and had not had a relationship for many years, separated by something that now seemed rather small and trite. Her sister, too, just retired as a school principal, and the similiarities continued. She feared and felt anxious about the call, but because of this letter, and Allison's lesson that life is so short, she reached out to her sister and now, they have a relationship that has been mended and nurtured. The incredible legacy that Allison left has made a difference in many lives, but in this one in particular, I can honestly say, I have felt God's hand and embrace. There is not a day that goes by that I don't lift Mary Lou up in prayer, and while we have only spoken once, and have never met, I feel I know her, deeply.

I cannot say why she is on my heart today, I just know she is...and I don't question any more the need to do what the "spirit" leads me to do. I follow it and I hear God's voice. I write or call or send a package or say a simple prayer for all those He brings to my soul, knowing He is using Allison in the most powerful of ways, her calling, so to speak, is to keep hope and light and love alive, and she is using me as her beacon. I really try not to second guess and wonder anymore, rather, go with it and be led. I don't assume the negative, rather I believe the positive, that God used her life to inspire and provide substance to myself and others. I must carry on, even on days I don't want to, I have to say that prayer for someone else, write that note, make that meal.

My chemo angel is one of the many blessings of my life, maybe that is simply why I feel so close to her today, someone I have never met, but through her words and life and example, and her creations, I ended up being the one sustained.