The Right Message

Yesterday, I was restless. The emotional pain was settling in ways, and in places, that I found a bit unknown. I had to keep going, and I knew it, but I didn't know how. By keep going I don't mean shopping, or bustling, or baking, I mean simply living. As every other day, I find my strength from sources unknown and unplanned, from places familiar, some foreign. I never know where it is going to come from, this ability to move and live and breathe and endure the pain that really cannot be described in words. But what I do know is that it will come, because God hears my prayers, knows my heart, and sends whatever I need, even when I have no idea what that may be, at such a time as this...a time when we blend Allison's last days on earth, with holidays, with planning a celebration of her life in just a few short days, with knowing down deep that those weeks may very well bring the last Christmas we spend on earth together. This is that time when it would be too difficult to gather around parties and make idle chit chat, when silence is rather golden, and when reflection and time to just breathe and take it all in, the lights, the memories, the life, the here and now, the future. So, as I found my way through a very heavy load this weekend, as I sought God's guidance on whether I should, or could, attend a dear friend's sister's memorial service, I just kept asking for help. I was led to Allison's own celebration service pamphlet, the one that provided an outline of a service to remain locked in our memory, forever. I read it as though it were the first time. I guess that is what a new set of eyes will do for a person, and I read parts of my journal that I had included. I am not sure why I was led to that, but it brought me comfort and it brought me closer to God and His goodness and His tender ways. It brought many things back, the words shared, the opportunities to say so much, or so little, to say good-bye, to say I will see you when God decides it is time for our own reunion. To hold my child, not as though she were 21 years of age, but to hold her and rock her and love her into eternal sleep.

Still, my heart couldn't hold enough yesterday as thoughts of two sisters, all of their siblings, a young mother taken far too soon, leaving her soul-mate and two small children to figure this out. Cancer has invaded again. I couldn't bear the e-mail I received from a mother who had found this blog quite by accident, and who had contacted me months ago to ask how to prepare for the moment she may lose her own young woman of a daughter, the e-mail that came yesterday simply stating, PEACE...and I knew, Erin was gone to eternal rest. I couldn't bear to think of two young mothers who had planned to hang their baby's first ornament up on the tree, only to have laid them to rest after only knowing them a few days. I couldn't bear to think of the sadness of another mother who spent time with me this week, trying to figure out how to move without her daughter here for Christmas, a young lady in the prime of life. I couldn't bear my own pain. And in an instant, a friend, Sarah, sent the scripture I needed, one I couldn't have found yesterday as I read and searched for the right message...there it was, though, found by her and she took the time to share it, and she may never know just how much I needed to read this.

Of course, the scripture is referring to the Christ Child, but in that moment, Sarah thought of Allison, and I did, too. After all, her belief in Jesus as her personal saviour brought her to the loving arms of God above, through His own son.

Luke 1:76-79
"And you child will be called a prophet of the Most High,
for you will go before the Lord to prepare the ways,
to give the people knowledge of salvation,
Through forgiveness of their sins,
because of the tender mercy of our God,
by which the daybreak from on high will visit us,
to shine on those who sit in darkness and death's shadow
to guide our feet into the path of peace."

God IS merciful, grants us peace, and guides us, and through His Son, we can find our way. He sends angels among us to help us along the way, and promises that when more than one are gathered in His name, there is hope, light and love.

I am thankful for the many angels in my life, who take that minute to reach out, share, leave a message, pray for us, and hope along with us. This journey is not getting easier, by any means, but it is different, revealing all the while that the right message is always at our fingertips. We just have to be willing to share it, and listen, and live.