There's A Beat of A Beautiful Heart

There's a beat of a beautiful heart in my soul this season, this holiday, this month, this day. There can be no other explanation as to how I have maneuvered through the tears, lumps in my throat, emotional weariness, shopping malls, grocery stores, endured hours of preparations, making cookies and this year's infamous cake balls. There's a beat of a beautiful heart in my soul.

That beat belongs to many, of course, those whom I am preparing for, my beloved daughter, Jennifer, husband Joe, his family, my family, all about to be blended in a little over 24 hours. But the beat that pounds the fastest is that of my other beloved daughter, the one who left too soon, the one who is not here in the physical sense. Yet, the beat of my heart, where hers has taken up residence, is taking on new meaning. She whispers to me, she sings to me, she inspires and guides me. She spurs me on to make this Christmas a labor of love. My baby, my child, gone from my grasp, but living on so intently that it almost seems like she is right by my side, through all the plans, preparations, decorations, food choices, steps taken to find our way to a glorious holiday.

There's a beat of a beautiful heart, I feel it, just as intently as I did when hers entered mine in her final moments of life on this side of heaven. There's a beat of a beautiful heart, and I am grateful, thankful to the end, and into eternity, for her presence in my life.

Again, to "borrow" the quote used to honor Erin's passing date, and one I have read so often through the almost four years that I have "lived" without my daughter in my sight...from The Book of Wisdom...

"The just woman, though she dies early, shall be at rest,
for the age that is honorable comes not with the passing of time,
Nor can it be measured in terms of years.

Having become perfect in a short while,
She reached the fullness of a long career,
For her soul was pleasing to the Lord,
And she who pleased God was loved."


Beautiful heart of mine, you are loved, Merry Christmas, Allison.