This Is The Day

Psalm 118:24, "This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."

Devotionals, meditations, scriptures, affirmations, prayer, books, books and more books have always been part of my life in one way or another, only to intensify, meant to sustain, heal, teach, grow me through one of life's most devastating changes and challenges-the loss of a child. Today, I begin another chapter of this journey, the creation of a blog, designed for my own purposes, a technological journal, if you will. Yes, designed for this healing road with no expectations, no second thoughts, no plans, just the pure and simple gift of sharing. Sharing in the hope that I will continue to grow and learn through this incredible turn in life, but also, that this may, or might, become a vehicle for others to become inspired, or inspire us, for we EACH have a story. Some stories are so deep they have not yet been recognized let alone been told, just carried in the depths of our souls, some stories are ever so slowly revealed, thus opening up a new chamber of the heart, causing others to catch a glimpse and causing our own selves to let a little light enter.

So, today dawns a new adventure. Some may say it is a bit risky to share deepest, soulful thoughts and feelings, some may wonder why now. My only answer is that I have always known, and tried to follow, the spirit God sends me. This attempt is no exception. It does, however, come to creation on a special anniversary of sorts, the eve of the day, two years ago, with her parents by her side, when our daughter, Allison, first heard the word cancer as it related to her diagnosis. It seemed that time stood still the minute the doctors walked through the door, one not making eye contact, the other, a later favorite, explaining in medical terms what exactly this meant. The confusion over such a diagnosis lingered, lung cancer in a 21 year old, healthy, vibrant young woman, could not be, so there was to be hope, short lived at best, that this cancer was NOT small cell. I don't believe I heard much as the word itself nearly took my breath away. Finding it difficult to stand and breaking out in a sweat, I sat down on Allison's bed and held onto her foot. The tears shed by the three of us were like never before but not unlike the ones that would pour in the weeks and months and now years to come.

I won't elaborate on that life changing, life altering moment now, but I will say from the second that the word was uttered, none of us have ever been, nor ever will be, the same. We have learned about choices, responses, attitude, perseverance and we know the deeper meaning of faith, love, hope and family. Today I look at the day the Lord has made, and I thank Him for holding us up that day, two years ago, and to continue to do so, for infiltrating our hearts, especially for using Allison to teach so many just how to live strong and solid. Without us knowing it, He created a legacy and a path to Him through our daughter.

From the moment of diagnosis, I asked God for a simple scripture that could help me endure and it was presented to me and has sustained me through the times I didn't think I could breathe, get up, keep on as a caregiver, let alone as a grieving mother. His words are my comfort, my strength, my compass. They guide me as I recite and believe His word to be true.

A painful memory penetrates me this day, this "anniversary" of sorts, but it is filled with the promise of a new day and I am thankful for it and all it brings. Indeed, "this is the day....."

Kathy