Regret

Last evening, when I watched the 60 Minutes interview with the Captain of the plane that landed oh, so safely, in the Hudson River, many things went through my mind. Naturally, I was emotionally impacted to see the many survivors and their families who came to give a hero and his team a warm welcome, a tearful word of appreciation, or a hug when there were no words. As noted by the Captain, and all of us, it was not just the 155 passengers who were deeply impacted, it was their circle of family and friends. Many expressed joy at NOT becoming a widow, or for getting the chance to spend more time with their child. Someone's son, daughter, wife, brother, husband, mother, sister, friend, aunt, grandmother, grandfather was on that plane.

I found the most intriguing reflection to be from the Captain when he noted that he struggled, afterwards, in the aftermath and after shock, with whether he could have done something differently, or made a better decision, or been more thorough. This almost seems strange to us, because, after all, the story has a happy ending. It was a miracle, a story that will be told for generations. And when the Captain received the confirmation that all 155 were alive and accounted for, then he could begin to realize just what had happened. Still, he reflected and it took some time for him to assure himself that he had no regrets.

I have thought, many times, in dealing with my own situations, and those of loved ones and friends who share their stories with me, about regret. I am thankful that I learned a long time ago, from lessons of my father, and my faith in God, that when we live the day and way we are destined, make the best decisions with the information we are given, stay the course and "fly right", we will find the peace that having no regret brings. I believe regret is an appalling waste of energy. When we live with it, we can wallow in it, allow it to consume us, rob us of the life we are given, and it can eat us alive. Now, that is not to say that there are not things I regret, there are many, but I know God doesn't intend for us to carry the burden and waste precious, meaningful time and talent. The good news is we can leave it with Him.

I have spoken with parents who have lost their children, more so than I thought I ever would. They have expressed regret, especially those whose children died very suddenly or by their own design. To them I cannot say how I would feel, the regret, or guilt I would live with, especially if the last words or the last time were not what I would have chosen, if only I had known it would BE the last time. God took all of that out of our hands, and gave us the opportunity to say what needed to be said, or not. Still, I didn't know Allison would leave so soon, and if I could, I may do things differently. I guess that is why I could relate, in some small way, to the Captain's comment. After all, Allison's story was a miracle, too. She was cured, not in the way we had hoped for, and prayed for, but her pain and suffering was brought to a halt and she was free. We are the ones who are not, if we choose to live with regret or punish ourselves for what we did or didn't do or say. I'm sure some would say that is "easy" for me, I was with her, I had some warning or signs that her time on earth was ending, and all of that is true. Yet, there I was, along with Joe and Jennifer, trying to make the best decisions given the information we had at the time. Yes, we were given the gift, but I would like to think that had circumstances been different, and I had been parenting, or disciplining, or letting her "have it" about getting on with school, and then something had happened, that I would find comfort in knowing I was doing my best, my ever loving best that I knew at the time. Sometimes, as in the case of the airplane Captain, there is no room for error, that we are called upon to be doing just what is needed at just the right time. We do our best, and regret has no place in our lives hereafter. Our loved ones don't harbor any resentment, they are free, their spirit has left their physical body, they don't know our pain, only our love. Surely our loved ones have forgiven us if there is anything to forgive, can we now forgive ourselves?