Blessings in Broken Times

I am sure I have written on this topic before. It has become my mantra, but I cannot take credit for it, I must give credit where credit is due. Not only through my scripture readings, but in particular, the book by Dr. Charles Stanley, "Blessings in Brokenness", has stayed by my side since Allison's diagnosis, not her struggles, not her death, but from the start of the journey. A friend gave me the book and I would have never known then just how I would have to turn to the blessings in the broken times. They are there. In spite of the pain and angst, and despair and fatigue, they are there. As I am sure I have written about, they can range from the small and ever minuscule, to the monumental and prevalent. The key is looking. The key is WANTING to see them, feel them, know them. And some days, I have not wanted to, but most days, they keep coming, even when I don't believe that anything can be considered a "blessing" in these broken times of missing my daughter.

As I write, I am not thinking just of my own blessings, this day. I am thinking of Cathy's. She has given me permission to write about her story, at least part of it. And somehow, as I know it helps me to see beyond this life, I know it will help someone else, too. For it is when we hold on, persevere, triumph, or even simply get out of bed when we have lost so deeply, that the blessings come, and we are given HOPE to carry on, and on and on.

A year ago yesterday, on a snowy, Sunday afternoon, gray and bleak looking, yet beautiful in its own rite, Cathy's son, Phil, left this world. Cathy had gone home on what was to be a "normal" three-day weekend, only to find her son unconscious and losing life. On his own accord, he had perhaps decided that life was not worth living. The details, known to Cathy and her own grieving heart, shared with those of us she trusts, are not important. What IS important is that her son was gone, on Valentine's Day, took his last breath, a decision made by a mother who would extend her "final" act of love on this side of heaven by working with doctors to remove life support. Soon after the decision, he was gone.

Suffice it to say that the year since has been one of heartbreak, devastation, loss, pain, emptiness, wonderment, and every emotion on the spectrum. For, as we know when our child is gone, we have not JUST lost them, we have lost a part of ourselves, a big part, maybe even all of ourselves, for awhile. And we rebuild. Cathy is rebuilding. She tries. She lives with an elderly mother. She lost her job soon after her son. She had lost her husband to cancer not long before her son. The losses piled up and still do.

So, where is the blessing? What has happened? We could start small. Cathy has emerged, some. She has cooked and regrouped, and been to her garden, and stopped smoking. Cathy has found a little of her voice and she has shared her unique sense of humor. She created a facebook page and connected with friends. She has tried and tried and tried to live through the broken times.

It was on this very facebook page that it happened. The connection. You see, Cathy had a son at the age of 16, some 39 years ago and due to circumstances, gave him the gift of adoption. And lo and behold, the son grew up, and married and the son's wife found Cathy. The son's birth certificate should NOT have really shared his birth mother's name, but somehow, part of it showed through, and he knew her name. The "connection" has been made and mother and son have chatted via e-mail and now phone, and plan to meet in person. The son is very open to meeting his mother and getting to know her. And Cathy has told him about his brother, a brother he never knew, but nevertheless, will know through Cathy's heart. Blessings in broken times? I would say a resounding yes! God's intervention and miracle? I would also shout a resounding yes! I say YES because when we lose our child, no matter how they go, we come to view and know heaven in a new way. We come to know that God makes room in His Kingdom for all who accept Him, even if they do so in transition. Even when they left on their own accord. Even when the circumstances are so bleak, He is there, on that side, with arms wide open, to receive.

This is Cathy's story, not mine. We relate in ways of loss, and our children have brought us closer because of it. Our circle is widening. That's the sad and painful part. We know what we KNOW when our children leave. We know what we KNOW when we are forced to make arrangements and sit at a table, choose a casket, select a burial plot, make decisions we are never prepared for...but as God promises, the goodness comes in the morning. It does not go away. In Cathy's story, there are so many unknown variables. But there is time. And there is grace. And there is HOPE. And there is one more part to the story...her son has a son. Yes, a grandson for Cathy. A year later, who would believe, that as we honor her son's life, another is brought into her life, complete with a grandson, a grandson who bears the name of her own father. The story continues, life goes on, and we must BELIEVE that blessings DO come on broken times.