All In A Day

On this day, I think about how blessed I am to seize it, yet how overcome with sadness and loss I feel, for my own self, for so many others. For some, the day comes with good news and celebrations, for some, like Erica, a newly grieving mother I'm sure it comes with adjustments and finding her way, for Cathy, I'm sure it comes with finding her "new normal" as her husband left this earth a few short weeks ago, for the countless, nameless souls who are doing what has to be done in the course of this day, I pray, through the trying times, they, and I, can find the joy, the happiness of memories and the peace in being given a new day.

This day will find us laying Barkley to eternal rest, later this afternoon, here in our own home. When faced with the decision that I have known was coming for some time now, I didn't know how grueling and painstaking it could be...yet, as the family discussions evolved, it became more and more clear that his quality of life has faded, he is tired, and he is ready, and we love him enough to begin the process of release. Obviously, we are not new to this. And thankfully, Allison's spirit has prevailed and we are finding our way to let the love shine and do what is needed so that Barkley maintains the dignity and peace and comfort he has known since walking through our doors over seven years ago.

I had asked God to do what was necessary, and admittedly had hoped Barkley would just fall to eternal sleep. So often, lately, he looked as if he had done just that. But, his strength and determination played out and he would rise again, fooling us into believing he was able to endure just a bit longer. But risking suffocation and suffering is not a part of the plan, and he will leave today, as the day he came, surrounded by those who love him, and I will envision him finding his way to the arms of his sweet and precious caretaker. Allison will be waiting with open arms.

My "sign" of approval arrived last evening in the form of pink streaks and an illuminated glow around our house. The words uttered by Allie, years ago from Chicago, when we thought Barkley was leaving, echoed through my soul...."mom, you will know when it is the right time, you will just know"...yes, Allison, Dad, Jennifer, and I just know.