The Climb

I had heard the song a few times on the radio and of course the words resonated with me..."there's always going to be an uphill battle...just keep the faith...always going to be another mountain...but it's the climb". I didn't know the singing artist until this morning, when watching Miley Cyrus perform on the Today Show. Is it a "teeny bopper" song? How can a 16 year old sing with such knowledge? Maybe they are just words to her, maybe not. Maybe her young life has taught her much already. There's obviously something she "gets" because the song, while a simple message, does have passion and resonates with all of us. But it was appropriate this morning, as I face another day, adjusting to my once again, New Normal, without the routines and schedules of my dear dog and companion, Barkley.

I am restless and anxious and sad and at peace all at the same time. I can feel the last breath as he lay in my arms, as we laid him to eternal rest after a good life, a distinct purpose, and a definite joy. To know and love an animal was such a blessing, coming later in life, my first long term pet! As the calls and e-mails have come in to share a Barkley story or to lend support, I am reminded that Barkley was not just "any dog", he was king of the castle, top dog, and brought to our lives to help make connections, help ease our burdens and grief, and to bring memories that will last a lifetime.

But today's climb is rough and tough and heart breaking. I didn't think my heart could feel any heavier, but it does, for as he is gone, another part of Allison is, too. Grief takes on stages and phases and as we are only mid-way through the second year of living through life without our daughter, we are still maneuvering, finding our way, and striving to live life to its fullest. Barkley was such a part of living that life, no matter what we did, he was there...watching the nightly news, the Cardinals games, taking naps, sleeping, eating, walking, enjoying the cool evenings on the deck. Always within arms reach, he has remained stoic and faithful.

The climb IS uphill today, taking every ounce of strength I have to even make the bed and get dressed. As I have done almost everyday with photos of Allison, again today I let my finger linger on her face, I ask for guidance and blessing and I move, making movement is the important thing. I will move today, I will climb a bit and become a bit stronger, I will smile at the sweetness of what love brings to our lives, for not to have loved, would have been a denial of God's greatest gift. But the painful side of love is when that being is gone, faded from our grasp, leaving us to find our way and climb the mountain of life.

Barkley had a great life and he gave us so much more than we gave him. Today I will do my best to focus on that and allow the grief to wash over me, yet, climb a little higher, for him, for Allison, for the appreciation to God for such a life.