I never knew that many cancers held an awareness month or that each one has a designated color of representation. I wear my white, pearl, or clear cancer ribbons, angels, bracelets, as does Jen, Aunt Karen, Aunt Kathy, and other friends and family. The lung cancer color is clear to show that you cannot see when lung cancer is there unless you have in-depth testing, an incidental x-ray, or when the more obvious symptoms occur, as was the case for Allison. And most often, when the concerning symptoms are prevalent, there is little time left to live on earth. There is "usually" limited time. And one day you find there is no time. No more time to do or say all the things you had hoped to portray, and life as you knew it, is over.
It seems rather ironic that during what became one of Allison's most intense parts of her short 11 week journey, that here we are, living out a month designated as Lung Cancer Awareness Month. It seems surreal to me that her face is just one snippet and snapshot of a life impacted by lung cancer. It makes one wonder, how could it be her, us, why this journey, why in the prime of her life, on the threshold of a young life filled with hope and ambition? Why? How?
As I look and post new photos of this precious face, now a symbol and statistic of the dreaded disease, I cannot believe that this child, daughter of ours, sister, niece, granddaughter, cousin, friend can well represent the staggering statistics. How can she be one of the lives that is taken each year, more lives than breast, ovarian and uterine cancers combined!
I am slowly realizing that it took a face such as hers, quite possibly still the youngest female to lose her life to lung cancer, to help people stand up and take notice. It took her passage for others to inquire and learn and become more aware, because after all, does this really happen? Do young women who do not smoke (aside from the occasional teen aged cigarettes) really lose a life? The alarming answer is a resounding yes, and not only her, but the risk is rising in young women. In fact, more than 100,000 American women will contract lung cancer in the next calendar year, yet the awareness, funding and research is low. One reason for that shocking reality is the stigma associated with the diagnosis. Most of us, including our family, considered lung cancer a smoker's disease, and along with that, the "perception" that people did this to themselves, therefore, what might they expect. The comments and thoughts of those hearing about such a diagnosis can often leave me mystified...first and foremost, questions like "did she smoke" and accusations that she must have "done something" for this to happen. Thankfully, as Allison learned of the diagnosis, she was able to directly understand that nothing she did caused her to "deserve" such a situation, that had she been an addictive smoker, she would have had to smoke 2-3 packs of cigarettes a day since she was 2 years old to have the type of cancer and size of tumor. I still recall her smile and laughter and comfort when the doctor explained that nothing she did caused or pinpointed her!
Never being a smoker, I have never understood the addiction. I know that people understand the risk, but what I don't think people know is that ALL of us who breathe are at risk for lung cancer and that MOST lung cancer patients did NOT smoke! Naturally, I would love to see everyone I know and love who do smoke, stop immediately, but I know that each thing we do is a personal choice. And I know that Allison's story has changed some perceptions and even encouraged others to breathe more fully and stop smoking completely. And if this story makes a small difference in one life, it is worth sharing.
I would like to see those diagnosed NOT have the questions or the accusing look, they are dealing with much already. I would like to see support and awareness and funding for those who walk this journey themselves or with someone they love. I would like to see the dollars dedicated to support other than JUST smoking cessation programs, after all, how is that going to help and assist when the statistics show that most lung cancer patients never smoked. I would like us to believe that no one deserves this disease, no matter what choices were made.
I must believe Allison is a face of lung cancer for some profound purpose. She is just one little photo that will be displayed at the upcoming, first annual 5K Fun Run/Walk for Lung Cancer, sponsored by The Lung Cancer Connection on 11/14/2009 right here in St. Louis. (contact me at jwhaake@sbcglobal.net, if you would like to know more) She was a vibrant, fun-loving, gentle, sensitive, motivated, young women, living out her dreams. She did nothing to deserve this and the struggle she went through to breathe and receive treatment. She did nothing to deserve the pain and side effects of "living" with lung cancer. She did nothing to deserve the day to day appointments, scans, injections, devastating news that the cancer was yet in one more part of her body. She did nothing to deserve having to depend on others for what were once "normal" body activities and functions. What she DID do,though, was everything to leave us a legacy and a light and a motivation to live today, not feel sorry for ourselves and reach out with acts of kindness when we can. She did everything to stay strong, smile through the needles and the chemotherapy running through her veins, hold her head up high when her head was shaved, go in and ask for more radiation, hold tight to the scriptures in her pocket, memorizing them and believing she would live and never die. And she did live, and she will never die, and she guides us to help make a difference with the time we have left. Surely she is smiling on us, knowing we are doing our best to keep learning and educating in sweet remembrance.
I may never understand any of this, but for her and for my life, I will keep on.
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