It's JUST Routine!

Who among us has NOT waited for that call from the doctor's office, anxiously, or not, we can all relate...and if we cannot, surely we have waited in anticipation for the call regarding a loved one. I know one thing for sure, you don't make it to my 50 something age and NOT know what it is like to wait, and wait, and wait some more. And more often than not, I have heard the words, "it's just routine"...and it IS, to THEM. Before Allison's diagnosis, I surely experienced the wait. The call was coming. Either there was a scope, a mammogram, a biopsy, or SOMETHING that I waited to hear about. And always, thus far, the word benign accompanied the call or the letter. There was an anxiousness, then relief, then "thank you, Lord", and life went on. Until the next time. But then it happened. The biopsy that changed my life, our lives, her life, in ways I still cannot begin to fathom. The lung cancer diagnosis in my healthy, vibrant, beautiful, spirited, 21 year old daughter. The tumor was large, it was repulsive, it was consuming, it was spreading, it was causing bone pain, body aches, fatigue, and it was MALIGNANT. It was what would take her life in eleven short weeks. It was what took our breath away, as if we were the one who struggled to breathe with a 50 pound weight on our own lungs.

Allison struggled with many symptoms that no doctor would have imagined would have been more than a cold, a virus, later pneumonia (serious enough in the eyes of her parents). The symptoms were sporadic, meaning good days, weeks, then very rough ones. She would call to report that she felt bad because she couldn't make it to class, let alone study. I would encourage her to go to the doctor and each time she did, she got a prescription or an inhaler, and would be better, but not for long. She slept a lot, she came home to rest, she was cranky, she got upset easily, but still, every few days, she would rally, until she could rally no more. She found her way for a "routine" scan, and the rest, as they say, is history. A history that changed the course of my very existence and that of many others, as well.

So, now, when the visits to the doctor are necessary, or pneumonia entered my life, causing me to grasp my chest, spend time in the hospital, wait for lung results, check on my heart, take antibiotics for the heart wall infection, struggle even to walk the dog, I only know a snippet of what my daughter went through. I do not have lung cancer. Aside from the fluid built up, and doctor's orders, I am fine. I am fine after a recent endoscopy that, again, was "routine". I waited for the biopsy results with a fervor and once again whispered a very appreciative thank you to my God above. And today, as I got called back for yet another mammogram, with the nurse telling me that the doctor wants me to know "it's just routine" when we see certain things, I am doing my best NOT to jump to breast cancer. I know that is not the case. But, you see, nothing is ROUTINE for me any longer. There is nothing normal or "routine" about any of this. I have heard what no mother wants to hear, MALIGNANT, CANCER, DEATH of her own child. This is NOT routine, but it is my life.