A dear friend of mine, who has been through more than any one person should endure, compiled by losses that are unimaginable and surreal, called me a few weeks ago with some news. Her sister had just been diagnosed with small cell lung cancer, the news was fresh and raw and her sobs were gut wrenching. She didn't want to call me, but she knew that I "knew" things about this type of cancer, after all, Allison's journey had taught me, once again, about cancers and treatments and quality of life. As Barb and I chatted, cried, and sorted out some of the information, she made a comment, that her sister just hopes to live long enough to get her things in order. It seems that her sister had somewhat accepted this diagnosis, at least initially, and knew that this type of cancer is the fastest growing, most often, fatal cancer to have...so again, her hope was to get "her things in order". I thought of that a lot over the course of the last few weeks, wondering how that is going for her. I check in with Barb from time to time to find that her sister is still with us, sought a second opinion, and is waiting to confirm an exact diagnosis...a road well known and travelled by our own family, as well. The unknown is prevalent and frightening, but she continues to get her things in order.
Naturally, I have thought of what that exactly means...get our things in order. Does this mean making sure the life insurance policies are paid up, the bank statements are balanced, the will is defined and clear and established? Does it mean sorting out what you want others to have of yours and organizing one's closet? Does it mean seeing and visiting all of those who are near and dear so that things that should be said, are?! It must mean something different to each of us and if we knew we had a certain amount of time to get our things in order, how might we live this day? This has been a concept that I have thought of often, after losing my parents, but especially, my daughter. I have thought, often, what if that had been me? What if it is me tomorrow? I don't look at this as morbid, I look at this as reality. I do desperately try to look at this as my opportunity to seize this day. Sometimes I fall short, I fall backward or waste the moments, but then I remember her legacy. So, naturally, since Allison left before us, I have thought of what I should do to be ready. My quest has been mostly spiritual because in spite of how clean I leave the house and my affairs, there will be a mess at some point! I have used Allison's level of readiness to guide my own compass, and I know it is truly the word of God that is going to prepare me. Her own confirmation scripture, John 3:16-17, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." There are so many more to quote, but the point being, I believe God wants us to be ready, prepared, live for Him, and get our things in order for Him.
A very poignant moment came in our journey with Allison, a speck in time when she turned to me and asked me if she was going to die. I cannot describe the moment, now a memory, and how incredible it was, yes, emotional and heartbreaking, yet, an intimate moment between mother and child. And, I remember my response, yes, Allison, we are all going to die, and we all need to be ready. She smiled, I smiled and I knew I spoke the truth. Could I tell her when and how and what it would be like? No, all I could say was yes, we are all going to leave this earth, maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe next year, maybe in 20 years, so whenever that is, I know I want to be ready, I want my "things in order". I am not promised any more time, so there is no time like the present to get started.
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