Siblings

Ever since I posted the photo of the sisters, Jennifer and Allison, I have thought about the whole matter of siblings and how they get through a loss such as this. I have discovered that often, the siblings are the forgotten or unsung heroes when it comes to losing a loved one. You find there are many support groups for parents, or children, or spouses, but often, the siblings are the one who are left to sort it out and find their own way. As a parent, I have known nothing more intense than losing a child to cancer, and I cannot imagine a plight more devastating than being a grieving mother or father. I saw it in the eyes of Mr. and Mrs. John Walsh, when interviewed this morning on the Today Show, I saw the pain, the grief, the loss, and after 27 years, the tears were still ready to be shed. This journey, while unique as the type of death, is one that is understood to the core once you have travelled the road of knowing and living with such a loss. Also, to their credit, the Walsh parents gave amazing tribute to the three children they had after Adam was murdered. Their mother took such pride in the interview in pointing out the dignity and strength of those children, who never knew their brother, but who feels his spirit in the family unit. She made note of the fact that they never complained and they never wanted it to be about something other than what it was, seeking answers and making Adam proud...and all of us who know the case understand what the Walsh parents have done for lost children all across this country. Adam did not die in vain and these parents made sure of it.

But back to the siblings...and one particular sibling, Jennifer. If I could, I would take this walk away, this pain, this unforeseen journey, just as I would have gladly taken cancer from Allison. But I can do neither and I can't make her journey about me or her father or anyone else. She is the one who lost her only sibling, who lives on and marches to a different beat, forever changed, and she is the one who will find her way. Surely, as her parents Joe and I will be there to support and help in any humanly possible way, but it doesn't take away that she is a sister who had to let her best friend go, and in fact, she helped Allison move to eternal life in such a beautiful, dignified way. I say Jennifer is grieving graciously and that a part of Allison's spirit infiltrated her the moment her soul left her body on that January morning. Jennifer has the strength, determination and fortitude to honor her sister in every act and she carries her with her through all sorts of daily trials. She is going to find her own way through this, and has a good start on it. No mother could be more proud of the woman she is becoming, how she handles what has been dealt to her, and the grace she accepts from God. There are times when we know it is all too surreal, even now, almost 24 months into a lifetime of losing a child, a sister, and that we have mountains to climb. But we also know what faith is and how it helps you breathe, move and navigate.

The incredible, heroic story does belong to Jennifer, who not only lives for herself, but lives to make her sister proud. She is our hero and our earth angel, full of spunk and the desire to live. Siblings can often be forgotten, but we will not allow that to happen. Everyday I know how blessed I am to be able to say, yes, I have two daughters, one is guiding from heaven, and the other is here with us, finding her own way, becoming her own person, influenced, but not defined, by this loss.