The Ride

As our family, yet again, rides the roller coaster of cancer, and decisions are made for my sister's husband, we find ourselves in places we have been, places we have visited for a short while, a long while, more than a stopover. This has become our life. Never to turn the pages back before we knew of the beast and what it can do. We cling to what it CAN'T do, and we all know that is what keeps us strong and focused. While cancer rages and consumes, it also leaves gifts in its wake. That is very difficult to even write, let alone comprehend, but it does. It offers so much. It offers the opportunities that one would never have otherwise. Yet, still, there is no way to plan for the ride.

The journey takes you to the highest point of elation, then brings you right back down to a shattering puddle of despair and sadness. Then it takes you on a ride that coasts, just a little, before soaring, only to plunge. We cling to hope, we cling to faith, we cling to one another, but most importantly we cling to God. We ask Him questions that perhaps have no immediate answer, we beg Him for mercy and grace, we ask Him to help in ways that have no words, we ask Him to send angels, and we pray for peace and comfort. We don't think we can get up and go one more minute, but there it is, that strength we have prayed for...we learn from our loved ones who have shown us how, our friends who have gone before us, we have our own guiding angel in the form of my own sweet daughter, Michael and Karen's own beloved niece. She, along with so many others, are showing Michael the way, the course, and the light. And as weary as it can be, all consuming, the ride will never stop. It has only just begun.

We know not where the ride will pause, or what the day will bring. We know it will bring tears, heartache, laughter, hope, comfort, despair, anger, disbelief, the full spectrum of emotions. That is what the ride is destined to do. It cannot help itself. It is called life.

We will continue to look for the miracle of the day, the simple forms, or the astounding exclamations. It will come. It is usually not what we expect. We try to plan, we try to predict, we try to understand, but that is wasted energy. The ride doesn't call for reasoning, the beast is unpredictable, ever changing, taking us places that we had never hoped to go, let alone know. But it is the ride itself that gives us hope, faith, blessings and strength. We must trust that the answers will take form, and the ride will reveal what it is that we are supposed to learn, gain, understand and accept. God, please give my sister, the boys, Michael, the family, the peace that passes all understanding today, may the ride take them, all of us closer to you, to know you and embrace your Fatherly ways and comfort, you are the Father that we all need at this time, and through every circumstance. You are so busy with all the petitions of the universe, but your word promises that your spirit is strong and whole enough to wrap your arms around us all. We thank you for what has come, thus far, from this incredible ride, and we ask your grace and mercy upon Michael, for all the days of his life.